You have been waiting for you! Fraught and unsteady, you’re still ready to probe:

To seek better living through not dying.
To overcome strife and not die trying.
To confront the patterns, dreams and dangerous notions that prevent you
from fulfilling our goals.

By reading this introduction, you have reached your conclusion: A planned life beats an impulsive death, and being Not Dead trumps both.

Now there’s a slippery fellow—humankind’s inevitable suitor, spontaneous one moment then tarrying for years. Just because you can count on death doesn’t mean you should court it, or tolerate the earworms of everlasting nevermore. Life! Life! Life! though, suits no better. For all of its seduction, life-centered self-help is chicanery and cannot help but lie.


You were never good at lying.
To yourself, about how broken you are, yes. But not when the lies try to lead you out the other side—experiencing Not Dead for the final first time.

We understand this. We perfected it. The Fakeproject Corporation of America is known around the globe for managling natural resources, energy, enemies and nations, while the able Canadian Chapter has long foiled behind the scenes helping keep the peaces.

But over the past few years, it has become clear to dear leadership far and wide: we cannot care nor dare for the world when the hearth goes awry. You Are Not Dead—and you live in the best place on earth.

Yet you are barely happy.

You are hardly even here.

Working with a series of surveys, receipts and long-term surveillance, our behavioral experts and social analysts dedicate countless hours of study to the life- and deathstyles of people like you. Eager people. The driven. “Too smart for your own good,” a badge of distinction you don’t know what to do with and don’t dare deconstruct.

That’s fine.

Leave it to us.

Surveillance cameras

Research indicates patterns. Patterns improve predictably. And as statistics can be shown, our programming proves your worth in helping us help you temper your aimless movement.

Life takes work. Death takes self. Being Not Dead takes Self Work: reflective examination, self interrogation and the guts to gash the bites and suck out the poison—all your conflicting thoughts and uncooperative emotions.

With the direction of You Are Not Dead: a Guide to Modern Living and the determination you give Self Work, knotting the ties that bind and answering for your signs, you will:

Learn to resist trifling complexities.
Recognize the paths that are deceptively easy and those unnecessarily hard.
Be mindful of delusion and mean to do something about it.
Be open to closure and sew the wounds shut.

Don't fear failure nor fret stress.

Thanks to careful plotting, everyone fits, and your transition will be seamless.

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